Wednesday, September 23, 2015

But I Can

With the big girls going to school now, the house is a lot quieter. Ellie's voice is so soft when it's just the two of us. She has no one she needs to talk over. I'm enjoying the time I get to share with her, but I do love it when the sisters get home.

The excitement begins as soon as they walk through the gate. They're faces all lit up just anxiously waiting for the moment to tell me all that went on during their school day. I love hearing about every minute and that they want so badly to share it with me.

What letter they learned.
The books they picked out at the library.
Games they played in P.E.
Who they sat beside at the lunch table.
About the trespasser drill they practiced.
Which kids bikes they like.

It's all very precious and entertaining. Each girl has a version of their own to share and they never fail to make me laugh. I love that they enjoy their school days.  However, there are so many things that weigh on my mind while their gone. I can't help feel this overwhelming sense of worry and fear while they're in the care of someone else.

Yesterday during our daily talk, Savannah brought up the trespasser drill. Which at first did not come out so simple. She explained... how they all had to squeeze together in their room library and keep very quiet. That if a bad guy were to walk in their school this is what they would have to do to keep away from him and to be safe. It was in that moment that I had an immense amount of fear run through my veins. Chills covered my skin and my heart felt so heavy. I literally felt afraid and angry. Afraid of the possibility of something so scary actually happening and so very angry that there are people out there that have the power to cause this.

I thought about it again this morning when I made their breakfast. Oatmeal. The oatmeal I have to order online to make sure it's gluten free. The oatmeal I buy to protect them from upset stomachs and discomfort. I try so hard to protect them. From gluten. From pain. From fear. From everything I can. I try so hard. It finally hit me though...I can't. I can't. I can't.

There is so much in this world that they will face. They will experience things and endure things that I cannot and will never be able to anticipate. Some things I will not be able to prepare them for, others they'll be ready to tackle. All I can do is find peace in the fact that there is someone ever greater than I that will be there when I can't. Someone that will carry them and protect them in times that I am not there. That's how great my God is.

I may not be able to protect them from the world and it's undoings, BUT I CAN pray that God walks with them through it all.


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Where We're At

A little bit of fall swept through the area this weekend. The morning air greeted me with a very sweet crisp feeling. I was pleased. Coffee and chilly air always make a great combo. 

Life lately has been pretty normal.
early mornings
school time
playing outside
family parties
lots of lovin' going on
adventures in town

I'm enjoying it all while it's this calm because I know after Christmas it won't be this way. Things will pick up, the stress will get flood the house, and we will hit the road for a completely different setting.
But, for now, I'm loving where we're at.

Happy Wednesday!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

When I'm Not Blogging

Sometimes I miss this place. Someone once told me that I should blog more. That I should spend a few more minutes of my day sitting here telling my story. That this place is important.

The thing is, I love this place. My little piece of whatever this internet world is. All mine to speak and sing how I choose. It's important to me. To keep record of my family and our adventures. To share our life with those that can't be near to share it with us in person. It's how we communicate and family.

Sometimes though, I like a break from the dedication it takes to keep it up. A break from the purposeful intention to write my thoughts. There's a lot more on my mind than I will ever be able to share here and sometimes that frustrates me, but that's my life. There is a lot more to it than this place and all of it's upkeep. So I find it important to remind myself that I need to take time away from this place to be in my real place. Where there are no pictures to be noted, no thoughts to be typed out. Just experiences waiting for me to soak them up and enjoy them. I'm embracing it.

There is so much that goes on when I'm not blogging.
When I'm not blogging I am tending to my home. Washing dishes, wiping my kitchen counters, flipping the laundry.
When I'm not blogging I am planning meals for my family. Figuring out the tweaks for gluten free.
When I'm not blogging I am getting my children up for the day. Hugging their necks and feeding them breakfast.
When I'm not blogging I am accepting the reflection in the mirror for the woman I am...just how God intended it to reflect.
When I'm not blogging I am listening to my girls sing praise songs as they play with their Barbies. (Who knew that Barbies could praise the Lord?)
When I'm not blogging I'm teaching my girls to let loose in the kitchen. It's where the best dance parties happen.
When I'm not blogging I'm trying to be the best wife I can. No way am I perfect, but I try to be the best I can be. No overrated expectations here. Just me being real.
When I'm blogging I'm settling arguments between the girls. Wiping tears of frustration.
When I'm not blogging I am living life and only when I find a minute or two do I sit down to blog about it. 

I have found that by letting go of that "must-get-to-it-all" attitude to just be in the midst of our family life,  I have found more happiness and joy in being a mother and wife. It's not an easy task. It's really hard in fact because I love being able to share everything here. So to the person who once said I should be here more, please understand why I'm not.
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more Psalm 71:14