Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It's often you'll see me pacing around the house. Phone to my ear, smile on my face, in sync with the beat of my mother's words. Each time those numbers are pushed I am awaiting the lullaby of her sweet twang to rock me back to the assurance that one day the miles that separate will also be the ones that bring us back together.We do what we can to keep up with each other. She reads my blog and admires the grands new adventures, I call her while she's working to distract her from her delegations. It's a fair trade *smile*
Even with the distance between us, she's kept up with the job she accepted a long time ago. The one God gave her the day I was born. Where He told her keep her, teach her, comfort her, and raise her in My Word. She's done all of that with her whole heart. She's never asked for anything in return by love. And boy do I love her.

Sometimes the distance gets to me. I feel as if I'm missing out on ALL of those special moments. I'll admit I get jealous of my Bub at times because he's there to witness it all. The precious aging. It's happening. Moma and Daddy are going through it. And I'm not there. But what breaks my heart even more is when they need me the most, I'm STILL. NOT. THERE.

I called Moma today. She's working hard and getting stuff done like her usual self.
But today.
Today she was different.
Today she cried out to me.
Today her heart hurts.
Fear has overcome her heart and mind and won't leave.

I want so bad to just hold her. Like all the times she's held me when I've been in pain. She held me to comfort me just like He told her to. That's all I want to do, is reach out and hold her. To comfort her heart and ease her pain however little it might be.

How do you balance it all? My heart desires to be with her and my family. Here we're planning on a trip to Maryland and all I want to do is go home. I know it's not fair or right, but tell my heart that aches to comfort my Moma.

I'm struggling today yall. These are the times when being only miles from family feels like an eternity away. It's a struggle. An inner battle. It's hard.

Will yall please pray for my Moma? I know she's probably gonna kick me for even writing this, but this is the only way I can comfort her. To request that my prayer friends will send their prayers up to the Lord so that He will provide the serenity and comfort that she deserves. That her heart can beat to it's normal beat instead of the frantic and fearful state it's currently in. That she'll reach out to Jesus in this time of struggle and hold on to Him with the reassurance that He is in control.

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl, I will definitely pray for your Mom. I'm so sorry you can't be with her during this difficult time. I pray that you both will know His loving arms around you!


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