When I think about going home, my heart tends to skip a beat and flutter for a while. Home brings a sense of peace and surrealism to whatever is going on in my life. It's like the calm to a raging storm. When I'm there, I find myself forgetting the silly and unrelenting weight that I put on my shoulders in my everyday doings (as many of us are known for). It's unending beauty surrounding me swiftly reminds me the importance in letting go and embracing what's in front of me.
Last week we made way to this heaven on earth to say goodbye to someone that we treasure so dear. It wasn't my most favorite trip as most of these sort of trips aren't, but it was a part of life meant to endure only to grow my heart stronger.
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
When your heart hurts immensely, the thought of keeping a positive outlook on a situation is almost impossible. It's hard to stay focused on the good but I have to remind myself that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
Last Wednesday, my precious Grandmother went home to be with Jesus and to join my Granddaddy up in the streets of Heaven. She left her world of struggle and entered a new life of peace and constant joy.
After I heard of how sick she was, I knew that I had to try to get home to try and say goodbye to her. On my way there, I got a call saying that she had passed. While my immediate reaction was anger with myself for not leaving sooner. I was envious of those that were there with her, holding her hand, having the chance to say I love you one last time. But how selfish of me. Through my tears and prayers (all in the truck...on the road home) I was quickly filled with a sense of...well...relief for her.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
She's been fighting so long just to be and now she didn't have to anymore. She was no longer in a struggle, no longer fighting for each breath...she was now home where she's longed to be for quite some time. What better place to be than that? Huh?
With an eight hour drive to my Moma and Daddy's, I had plenty of time to think over my emotions and focus on the bounty of memories she helped me create. At her funeral, my Uncle Olan described her as a Saint for she truly loved Jesus and tried each day to let His light shine in her life. She taught her family everything she had in her all the way up until her very last breath. There was no question that she knew what was in store for her. Fear was no where near her heart. She was ready to go home.
My heart aches because I miss her so but I find comfort in the fact that her body is now at ease and her heart is in all reality with Jesus. At home, right where she's always longed. I've been thinking since her passing about how amazing it's going to be when we all get to heaven. (a song of which was one of her very favorites) Where the place we call home will be of true perfection because it was built by the Master's hands instead of some rusty skills-man. Won't that be the day!
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Even though there are times through out the day where the hurt and unsettled feeling of her absence completely consumes me, I'm reassured and filled with the hope and faith that I'll end up just as He promised.
And I know that one day, I'll truly be home too.