But I Can

With the big girls going to school now, the house is a lot quieter. Ellie's voice is so soft when it's just the two of us. She has no one she needs to talk over. I'm enjoying the time I get to share with her, but I do love it when the sisters get home.

The excitement begins as soon as they walk through the gate. They're faces all lit up just anxiously waiting for the moment to tell me all that went on during their school day. I love hearing about every minute and that they want so badly to share it with me.

What letter they learned.
The books they picked out at the library.
Games they played in P.E.
Who they sat beside at the lunch table.
About the trespasser drill they practiced.
Which kids bikes they like.

It's all very precious and entertaining. Each girl has a version of their own to share and they never fail to make me laugh. I love that they enjoy their school days.  However, there are so many things that weigh on my mind while their gone. I can't help feel this overwhelming sense of worry and fear while they're in the care of someone else.

Yesterday during our daily talk, Savannah brought up the trespasser drill. Which at first did not come out so simple. She explained... how they all had to squeeze together in their room library and keep very quiet. That if a bad guy were to walk in their school this is what they would have to do to keep away from him and to be safe. It was in that moment that I had an immense amount of fear run through my veins. Chills covered my skin and my heart felt so heavy. I literally felt afraid and angry. Afraid of the possibility of something so scary actually happening and so very angry that there are people out there that have the power to cause this.

I thought about it again this morning when I made their breakfast. Oatmeal. The oatmeal I have to order online to make sure it's gluten free. The oatmeal I buy to protect them from upset stomachs and discomfort. I try so hard to protect them. From gluten. From pain. From fear. From everything I can. I try so hard. It finally hit me though...I can't. I can't. I can't.

There is so much in this world that they will face. They will experience things and endure things that I cannot and will never be able to anticipate. Some things I will not be able to prepare them for, others they'll be ready to tackle. All I can do is find peace in the fact that there is someone ever greater than I that will be there when I can't. Someone that will carry them and protect them in times that I am not there. That's how great my God is.

I may not be able to protect them from the world and it's undoings, BUT I CAN pray that God walks with them through it all.