Have you ever had one of those days when it seems like a better outlook is just not possible?
Yesterday was one of those days.
I woke up happier than usual. Not sure why, but I was content with it and didn't question it. I got dressed. Had some coffee. Read my bible and got the girls' breakfast ready just in time for their morning babble to start.
I'm not sure if they didn't like my outfit or maybe I had on an ugly necklace, but their smiles turned sour when I walked in their room. I'm used to a greeting of big smiles and excitement, but none of those were present this time. And that...that is how the rest of the day went.
No giggles. No smiles. It seems like the joy in the day had been misplaced. It made me sad and really broke my heart.
When I look at my girls, I become so overwhelmed with emotion. I work so hard to try and bring joy to their world. Going places, doing fun things, being sporadic...I try to think of the most crazy like and absurd things and we do it if it's possible. I beat myself up when my plans go bad. An "I should have known better" type attitude arises and clutters my heart. I know it's not purposely done. My babies are being exactly that...my babies. Can you blame me for loving them too much? Could that be the problem?
We stayed outside majority of the day because it seemed to bring a sense of peace to their moods. I let them go and do whatever. I didn't try to initiate anything, I didn't even play with them. I just stood back and let them go, bad moods and all.
I would love to say that sometime around mid-day, things turned around. That smiles bloomed and we partied away...but that's not how things went. We had tears, lots of them, all of us. Things were thrown, hair was pulled (mainly mine), and my heart continued to shatter over and over. But you know, I picked up the pieces...over and over.
Not for me, but for them.
Because today, they were simply having a bad day.
We all have bad days. I know too, there's going to be more like this down the road. But....
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
My girls are only 2. I'm still pretty new to the whole concept of being a Moma. It's harder than it looks, I'll admit. I've got a long road ahead of me with lots of lessons to learn. Today, I learned that sometimes, you have to just be there and leave "trying so hard" for another day.
Even if it's ugly.
Even if it's ugly.
I just keep looking up to God and praying that He guides me through the rough days just as well as He does the better ones. And He always does.
Dog and CowCrazy hair if you ask me!
Took them outside today. They love the grass as any chickens do. We're going to have so much fun with them and a lot of eggs to share. Anyone???